It’s been a strange time with the weather. The bone cold brought a deep chill that stilled and stopped everything. There’s nothing like snow to remind Britain of its multiple frailties. Walking in the snow last Tuesday I felt frozen to the marrow, colder than I’d felt in longer than I cared to remember. Those few days of standstill brought some time for rest and quiet but they created a strange unease as well.
This morning when I woke up, my mood was in the thrall of the prevailing cold and unease. I awoke feeling strange to the world and it looked like the mood had me in its grip. Unwilling to lose a day to gloomy introspection and gazing into the impenetrable oddness that prevails I decided to kick it into touch and shift myself into a better frame of mind. This took an effort of will. I was cosy in my melancholy and felt it closing in on me with a soothing, there,there, accept this, for this is how it is.
Reaching into nostalgia and brighter thoughts I grabbed my twelve inch dance version of Bowie’s Absolute Beginners – I know, far from his finest – and wha-wha-wha-oohed my way through it with moderate dancing – it was only 8.45 after all.
It was a joyous 8 minutes, made funnier by the fact that something is slowing my turntable so the song varied in speed as it went, giving it a lovely wonkiness.
The little rush of endorphins from this indulgence powered me into work mode and just as I was sitting down with coffee and doggo company, the sun came out.
I am still in my wilderness period, still following myself into the deep woods and so I expect sadness to walk with me. But not today. Perhaps the clearing is closer than I think.